Personal Isn't The Same As Important
by SynethesiaTastesGrey
Summary: The hot hidden security booth scene from the end of Curse The Dawn, rewritten from Pritkin's POV.


I tumbled through a portal I hadn't even known was there and almost fell. Cassie had shoved me into a restaurant/bar, filled with people all staring at the massive drag queen on stage, writhing on the grand piano and singing with gusto. Coming from a battle to the death, the whole scene was surreal, and oddly hard to process. Then Cassie staggered out of the portal and collapsed against me, which wouldn't have been a problem, but for the fact that she was currently about 60 pounds heavier than me.

I looked up at her face and got a shock. It was twisted in agony, tears streaming from my green eyes. "What just happened?" I asked urgently and she just shook her head. The Apprentice mage was hard on our heels and our situation was getting desperate, fast. I slid an arm around her and we headed shakily for the exit. But of course, more of Saunders's cronies were hanging around outside. Motherfuckers!

I glanced around and saw a red exit sign, to the side of the stage. Still supporting Cassie, I lurched forward. Thank God that nutcase on stage was holding every eye in the room, because if anyone had actually looked around we would have been dead.

We all but fell through the door and found ourselves in what was obviously the performers' dressing room. Another huge transvestite was sitting in front of an enormous mirror and when she saw Cassie, a lecherous smile crossed her face. "Well, hello there," she purred and then noticed me. "Damn girl," she muttered. "And I thought you couldn't look any worse than last time."

Cassie collapsed into a chair, gasping. "Nice dress," she wheezed, and I stared between the two of them in confusion. How the hell did Cassie know her? The drag queen started babbling something about not getting the spot or the dress she wanted or something, but I really wasn't listening. I was too busy staring at Cassie's face. It had gone past white and was heading for grey. Shit.

"We - er - we're kind of in a bind," I blurted. "Is there a back way out?"

The drag queen applied smeared lipstick all over her mouth and stared at my body in the mirror. She either didn't notice or didn't care that it was currently going into shock. "Honey," she drawled. "There's front, back and sideways out of here, but your pretty friend doesn't seem to be up to much running."

"Yes, well, there doesn't seem to be any other option at present," I snapped, trying to ignore the first hint of panic, twisting my intestines together. She stood and smiled at me.

"Oh, there's always options, sugar," she said and shoved me through a ward that I hadn't even noticed, into some kind of security booth. The screens showed that our situation was even worse than I'd thought. Apprentices moved in almost every image, searching the building. Then Cassie stumbled through after me, dripping sweat and stinking of blood, ozone and pain, obliterating all other worries and replacing them with one big one. She limped to the chair and slumped into it. I knelt in front of her and began to yank at her boot, anxiety robbing my fingers of all dexterity.

The drag queen turned up the volume of one of the screens, showing the stage, in front of which a bunch of Apprentices seemed to be trying to interrogate another transvestite _while the whole bloody audience looked on._ I rolled my eyes in disbelief. "Trainees," I muttered, disgustedly.

The drag queen switched off the sound and turned back to me. "Don't worry," she said in an almost motherly tone, "I'll tell the girls to say you ran out a few a minutes ago. If you want to show your appreciation, I saw a divine number in Augustine's window that would look fantastic on me!" She blew a kiss, leaving me staring after her in awe. I turned back to Cassie. "You have strange friends," I said and finally got that damn boot off.

What I saw sobered me up instantly. Her foot was literally drenched in blood, gushing down in slick streams. The panic returned, but I didn't let it show. I grabbed a knife from what was technically my belt and slashed the leg of her pants open. My heart froze in my chest at the sight of the mangled gash stretching halfway up her thigh. "It's a progressive curse," I said quietly. "If left untreated, it will literally consume you."

Cassie's eyes widened, horror replacing pain. "I'm sorry," she gasped. "I hesitated. A mage came through the door and I didn't jump in time-" She was babbling and her expression was still anguished, but from guilt now, rather than pain.

"You aren't battle trained," I said dismissively. Which is my bloody fault, I didn't add. I held the wound together as best as I could, while I desperately tried to think of a solution, any solution that would see Cassie walking away from this. But I was totally drained and unfortunately I could only see one way out. I stared at her leg without really seeing it.

I had known, almost from the beginning that I was going to end up dying for her. I just hadn't expected it to come so soon. Despite more than fifty years of challenging death every chance I got, accepting it as an inescapable part of the job, I felt unprepared.

I looked up at Cassie, who was biting the leather sleeve of her coat to muffle the sounds of her pain. "We have to switch back," I told her.

"What, now?"

"Yes, now," I snapped. "My body has the power to heal this, but you don't have the necessary knowledge and I don't have time to teach you!" _Lie._ But what choice did I have? She'd never have switched if she'd known the truth.

"Have you forgotten what's…circling this hotel?" she panted, and I cringed mentally. One way or another I was going to die here, and I was not looking forward to having my soul devoured by such monsters.

"No," I replied, licking my lips. "But we'll have to risk it. You're losing too much blood." That at least was true.

Cassie nodded. "Alright. I'll push you out. Just don't panic."

With that, my body went limp as she left it. I took a deep breath and let my shields fall. It was odd, how much easier it was this time 'round. I suppose Cassie's imminent death was a motivating factor. Then I felt a strange tingling invasion in my chest and my unease must have shown on my face, because she spoke.

It was one of the most disconcerting sensations I've ever had. Cassie's voice seemed to travel through my chest, reverberating through my bones, to lodge in my mind, without ever consulting my ears about the matter. "Calm down," and her not-voice was impatient, with a hint of excitement. "I have an idea." The tingling feeling in my chest intensified, making me edgy.

"Whatever it is, could you _hurry up?_" I snarled and was abruptly wrenched out Cassie's body. I had a vivid and mercifully brief sense of utter nakedness, followed by dizziness as I was whipped around and shoved into my own body. Thank God! Limbs and muscles were suddenly the right size and shape, the right weight, sending sensations normally to my brain – including pain. It crashed into me brutally and I suddenly felt as though my leg was disintegrating, like each atom was being plucked out and smashed individually.

I winced and forced it away, still a little stunned by the ease of the switch. "That's all it took?" I demanded. She nodded and I had a sudden urge to strangle her.

"_Then why didn't you do that before?"_

"I didn't know about it before," she groused and got up to lean out of the ward for a second. She returned with a shirt, grabbed a knife and began shredding it for a makeshift bandage. As she worked, I sat still and tried to think. I was too drained to heal a bruise, much less the curse that was determinedly eating my flesh away. I wouldn't be able to walk in a few minutes. I could possibly stave off the inevitable for a few minutes, but beyond that I was in the hands of God. Given His usual reaction to me, I had no doubt but that I was going to get to dropped.

"Pritkin," said Cassie and I could hear the barely contained panic in her too calm voice. "Why hasn't the bleeding stopped?"

I felt a wrench in my chest that had nothing to do with spirits. I had seen Cassie refuse to kill a woman who'd tried to murder her and almost die to save a vampire who'd betrayed her. How was she going to handle this? I had to get her out as soon as possible, but my instinct was to stay with her until the very end. The greater good, I thought bitterly. Personal isn't the same thing as important.

My muscles spasmed with agony and a cold sweat slithered over my skin, but I kept all emotion from my face and voice. It was that or scream.

"As soon as you are able, shift back to Jonas. Get him out and don't leave his side. You can protect each other until this issue with the Circle is-"

Characteristically, Cassie didn't let me finish. "What do you mean when _I _shift back?" she asked. There was a definite edge to her voice. I bit my tongue on the automatic sharp reply.

"Listen to me. We don't have much time-"

"Before what?" Now she definitely sounded panicked and I was getting impatient. My time was ebbing away like the blood flowing out of my femoral artery.

"Stop asking questions for once and pay attention," I barked, and she shut up. I charged on before she could interrupt again. "Don't rely on the vampires to protect you from Saunders. There are too many tricks they don't know and won't be able to counter. And tell Jonas… tell Jonas he needs to…" look out for you, have your back when you try to take on the entire world on your own, make sure you eat enough and go running and do all the things that were _my _job. My voice trailed away helplessly. I felt totally overwhelmed.

"Stop giving me orders!" she snarled. I could feel her glare boring into me but I couldn't bring myself to look at her. She moved forward suddenly and grabbed my arms, getting in my face. In that strangely detached way that you think when your body is dying, I observed that this was a complete reversal of roles. I was usually the one who did the snarling and grabbing.

Her tough guy act collapsed. "Stop the bleeding, Pritkin," and desperation rang through her tone. I avoided her eyes, shaking inside and out. "Stop it and I'll do anything you want."

I continued to stare past her. "My energy levels are lower than usual," I admitted quietly. "Healing will take time." Even without looking at her, I knew when she put two and two together. Her whole body stiffened and she let out a gasp that was more like a sob.

"You tricked me! You wanted to switch back because you knew-" Cassie stopped, choked up, and just looked at me.

"You can't do this." I told her, and my voice didn't sound like my own. I lifted my head and met a pair of blue eyes, radiant even when swimming with tears. " You can't tear yourself up every time you lose someone. War-"

"Don't give me some stupid lecture about war when the person we're talking about losing is you!" she all but screamed. The tears in her eyes broke free and slid down her cheeks. I had thought this would be hard for her, but God, not this hard. Sympathy welled up inside me, along with something else, something sweet and unfamiliar that warmed me to the core.

I reached up and cupped her face in my hands as gently as I could, threading my fingers through her hair and brushing the tears from her eyelids with my thumbs. I have had said many goodbyes in my life, but never one so agonizing, so filled with emotions I no longer fully understood.

"One person is not so important in the scheme of things," I whispered as soothingly as I could, desperate to make her see it didn't have to be like this, that she had and would face worse. She stared at me for a long second, as though she were trying to memorize my face.

"Then neither is this," she murmured and kissed me. A deep ache sprang up in my chest, and I tightened my grip on her, wishing I never had to let go. I kissed her back wistfully, tracing my tongue lightly against her lips and tried to put everything I couldn't say into that single contact, but I had to hold back or lose control. Now, there was a sickening thought. In this state, I could quite easily drink her dry before I even realized what I was doing, draining her to heal myself.

Maybe the same thought had occurred to her, because she pulled away, looking puzzled.

"Wait, what was…you healed earlier. In Marsden's kitchen, a scratch on your arm, I saw it!" The semi-numbed pain, both physical and mental flitted away to be replaced by fully blown panic. I always forgot how sharp she was and now that underestimation was coming back to haunt me yet again. I saw frantic hope dawning in her eyes. "You're half-incubus. You can feed from my power!"

"You don't have any power to spare," I retorted, anxiety sharpening my tone.

"I have more than you," she blurted excitedly and a sick rush of memory spewed from the deepest recesses of my mind. Brief flashes of pleasure and pain, and a beautiful, innocent face, contorted in fear and the agony of betrayal assaulted me and I looked away from Cassie, my gaze flickering around the room, anywhere but her face.

She seized my arms again, fingers digging into my biceps. "Pritkin," she exclaimed. "You can use my power to heal." Not a hope in Hell.

"This is precisely what happened last time," I hissed, trying to convey the sheer horror of what had happened, without breaking down like a child. "You saw the house. It was even more isolated then, with nothing for miles but fields and water and forest. There was no one to help, no one to hear her scream!" And God, she screamed so loudly, begged me to stop, but I couldn't, I couldn't, I just didn't know how. So I killed her. I can't live through that again.

I calmed slightly. Cassie couldn't force me to feed from her, I reminded myself. The very worst thing that could happen here would be if she stayed with me until I died, and selfish as it was, that didn't sound so bad to me.

I took a deep, steadying breath and met her gaze. "You don't understand the risk," I told her firmly.

Her eyes hardened. "Your father tried to kill me," she pointed out in a dangerously level voice. "Believe me, I understand the risk."

I just raised my head defiantly. _Not a hope._ Cassie stared at me and saw my decision, stamped all over my features. Her face crumpled.

"I can't lose you," she whispered and my heart felt as though it had been wrenched straight out of my chest. Seeing her like this was literally agonizing. My bleeding leg was totally forgotten, was nearly pleasant, in comparison to the misery that thrummed through me. I had to get her out of here, before my resolve weakened.

"I promise you, you won't, I'll follow you, but you and Jonas have to-"

She cut across my pathetic lie. "I didn't want to do this," she said, abruptly calm again, worryingly so. "But you're not leaving me a lot of choice. This is my call and I'm making it. Do what you need to heal."

"Yours?" I hissed, glaring savagely. "How precisely is it yours?"

"Oh. So suddenly I'm not Pythia?" She was using that hyper-reasonable tone that I really hated.

"That has nothing to do with this!"

"That has everything to do with this! You're a war mage, sworn to my service who thinks he doesn't have to do anything I tell you." I opened my mouth to protest, but she overrode me. "And yes, I know you have more knowledge and experience than I do, which is why, most of the time, I listen to you. But you're wrong about this because you're too emotional to see that the risk has to be taken. So I'm making the decision – which, since _I'm Pythia_ _and it's my body_, is my right."

She leant forward and braced her hand on my good thigh. It felt like static electricity was pulsing from that small contact and I twitched in shock. "I warned you once before what someone looks like when an incubus has drained them. Do you truly want to risk that?"

Cassie locked eyes with me. "I'm a big fan of safe. I really prefer it to sorry. But in this case, yeah, I'm willing to risk it."

A lump grew in my throat, and all but robbed me of the ability to speak. "I don't know that I am." Her face, withering to a dried out husk, had played a prominent role in my nightmares of late. I wouldn't be able to stand that in reality. I'd go insane.

But I was going to hurt her one way or another today, so when she kissed me, hard and desperate, I could find no more resistance to within me. The only thing I wanted to do was stay with her and as she wove her fingers through my hair, all I could think was that you can't have anything unless you're willing to take risks to keep it.

So I slid us both to the floor, putting my hands on her hips to guide her down. "I'm going straight to Hell for this," I muttered, not completely sure that this was really happening.

"At least you'll know lots of people," she quipped breathlessly and I kissed her hungrily, before my mind could slip into recollection of just how many people I would know there.

Cassie grabbed frantically at my shirt and dragged it over my head. I explored her mouth with my tongue, reveling in the taste of her. Then her hands began to slide over my body, leaving trails of blistering heat. One wrapped around my neck, while the other wandered up and down my back, fingers digging in, before slipping round to my front. She caressed the muscles of my chest, then my stomach, before running her fingers over my waistband, sending simultaneous tremors of pleasure and warning through me.

I grabbed her hand and shoved it away. "Don't," I growled.

"Why?"

"Because I have to remain in control, _Miss Palmer,_ or this will go bad very quickly." I was trying to remind her of what our relationship was, that we were both breaking every rule in the book, but all I did was piss her off.

She glared up at me. "If you call me that one more time…" she broke off with an erotic little gasp as I buried my lips in her neck and began to kiss a trail down to her collarbone. I found a delicate little hollow there and sucked hard, earning a loud moan. The feel of her was lovely – she was so small and fragile. Not for the first time, I felt oversized and clumsy next to her. I had a sudden urge to protect her, which was ironic under the circumstances.

I tugged her shirt off and slipped my hand behind her back to flick her bra open, then savored the soft, smooth skin of her breasts, rubbing one pale pink nipple with my thumb. She raked her nails across my chest in response, finding my own nipple and toyed with it lightly, until I had to push that hand away too as blood rushed to my groin.

Cassie moaned frustratedly and I couldn't blame her, I felt the same way. I could sense to frissons of pleasure spiking where I touched her, but they were constantly smothered by her own vexation. I kissed her shoulders again, when she suddenly dropped her head down and began gently mouthing my scars. I froze, inhaling sharply. Damn, it felt absolutely fantastic. The marred skin tingled under her tongue and with every pulse of pleasure from my shoulders, an answering wave of heat shot through my erection.

"Please," I rasped, and she kept going. "Don't," I pleaded and she hissed under her breath.

"Pritkin! Sex pretty much require losing control, at least a little!"

I looked down at her in disbelief. "This isn't sex."

She blinked, surprised and confused. "Oh. Then what is it?"

"An emergency!"

But she was right, up to a point. I had to feed. Blood was still pumping out of my leg, despite the ad hoc tourniquet, yet she wasn't feeling nearly enough pleasure for me to heal. Shit. I was going to have to go lower, which I had hoped to avoid. If anything was guaranteed to make me lose control, it was tonguing her. But I was out of options.

I slid my hands slowly down her sides and found the button of her pants. I opened it quickly and yanked them down around her ankles. I looked up the length of her body and groaned aloud. Her legs had flopped open, exposing her gratifyingly damp underwear, her breasts were heaving and her lips were slightly parted. The pose – such a blatant offering! – was quite easily the sexiest thing I'd ever seen.

I began nuzzling my way up her leg and she finally lost control. Pleasure rolled off her, sizzled over my skin like an electric current and was absorbed. I felt a pit open under my chest. It sucked all the intense sensations from her and drank them in, filling me with the most incredible energy. It was like being on ecstasy, except a thousand times better.

I kissed the soft spot at the side of her knee, then worked my way slowly up her inner thigh. Her skin was satiny soft and smelled wonderful. I reached the crease between her thigh and her groin and sucked it gently, unable to resist.

"Is it sex yet?" she gasped and then let out a long, drawn-out moan as I covered her with my mouth. I wished I could shred that irritating scrap of cotton, but I knew a proper taste of her would drive me over the edge. I licked her, making sure she was thoroughly wet, then blew gently on the most sensitive part of her. Pleasure exploded all around me this time and the rush of power intensified.

I repeated the motion again and again, exhaling softly and then flicking the very tip of my tongue over the soaking fabric. Her hips began to move and jerk rhythmically, drawing thick, wet sounds from between her legs. She was drenched and the scent of her arousal was powerful, making my head spin and my groin ache and harden. I speeded up slightly, never touching her too much, blowing random patterns on the soft cloth and then mimicking them with my tongue. I touched her dripping entrance, probing ever so lightly, then blew on it. Cassie's breath speeded up until she was all but sobbing.

Sheer bliss burst out from her and I drew it in, all of it and I still wasn't satisfied, even when the nagging pain in my leg disappeared totally, replaced by a burning heat that charged over my skin, making me shiver.

Cassie gasped and sat up, groping for my thigh. Her fingers checked the skin quickly and I sensed a flash of excitement and relief from her.

"Pritkin! I think – "

But her touch was too much for me. Already dizzy with her pleasure, I was getting so hard it was painful. Without thinking about it, I grabbed her and kissed her again, open-mouthed and so hungry. I pushed her legs apart and ground my erection against her centre, groaning into her mouth.

Cassie slid her fingers through my hair and kissed me back, panting for breath, every brief time our lips parted. I sucked everything from her, not just pleasure, all she felt, all she _had_ and suddenly what I was drinking was fear.

My nightmare barged violently into my head once more and I froze. I knew where this was going and no way in Hell could I face it. I jerked myself away from her and looked down at a face that, in one short month, had become almost as familiar as my own. And right now, it was terrified. Of me.

"Go!" I hissed and for once she didn't need to be told twice. She scuttled away on all fours and practically fell out of the ward, leaving me holding myself completely rigid, as though frozen in the middle of a press-up, my head spinning and my arousal throbbing.

I don't know how long I held myself like that. Stopping the feed was like suddenly coming off heroin. The pit below my chest yawned wide open and demanded more, while my sex demanded her and my heart tangled itself in agonized knots.

I'd hurt her. _God,_ how could I? After everything I'd said and done, the promises I made myself when my wife died, the oath I'd sworn to Cassie and every irritating, stupid, funny, thrilling moment we'd spent together, how the Hell could I have done this?

The reasoning, which had seemed so clear and logical when my life's blood was spilling out of me, was so thin and flawed to me now. "You selfish idiot," I said aloud.

She'd known me a month. Sure, she would have been upset for a while had I done what I should've and died, but how great an impact could I have had on her? No one knew better than me how quickly bonds formed between people when under pressure, and how quickly they fell apart when the stress had been relieved.

I sat up, my groin blessedly normal again and grabbed my shirt. From now on, I vowed, I would have to stop letting myself slip like this. Despite the main obvious difference, assassination and body guarding are oddly similar. For example they both had the same number one rule: you get personally involved – you fuck up.

I put on the shirt and stood, feeling one hundred percent recharged. "I am not going to let her down," I hissed. "Not again."

I took a couple of deep, calming breaths, and walked out through the ward to find Cassie. Personal isn't the same as important, I told myself but I took one look at her and knew.

Jesus Christ, I'm screwed.


End file.
